We love design here at Wanderset. Aesthetic is everything. So when all of that is missing, we beg to disagree with the legendary Andy Warhol. Art is not “anything you can get away with”. Sometimes shit just sucks, and we love to laugh at it.
Now is one of those times. Ladies and Gentleman of the internet, we present the worst hiphop album covers of all time.
SWAMP DOGG “If I Ever Kiss It, He Can Kiss It Goodbye”
If Swamp Dog, (who appears to be a Pastor who only airs his sermons on BET at 3 am), ever kisses it, you can bet your sorry ass your girl is ghost. As you weep openly scrolling thru her Facebook pics, just know Swamp Dogg is skeeting all over her room. He is the captain now. He will be surrounded by your girl’s mouth (see; above), and she will be returning the favor, unleashing him from his spicy mustard suit (see; above), and slobbering sweet nothings in his devious, sleazy little ears. Swamp Dogg also gets extra points for being the first man to ever openly acknowledge his hairline starts at the top of his head, but tell his hairstylist he wants cornrows anyway.
VINCENT CARPETTA “Who’s Lookin Back”
Vince, what the holy shit do you think you’re doing here? First, at quick glance, we thought his balls were flopping out of his Jessica Simpson shorts. Then, we wondered if an actual album was made, or this was just an ad for a european Glory Hole circa 1990. We also wondered if Vincey-Poo was a rejected Saved By The Bell character, because, well, they already had a Slater. Turns out Vince did make an album. And it’s cheesy dance/rap in the same vein as Right Said Fred, and the lead single was a sunny litty ditty entitled “Puerto Rican Sex”. Here’s the video. Try not to get all turned on.
BIG MOE “City Of Syrup”
This dude Big Moe is just wild. Here he is, like a drug addicted Ghostbusters villain, haunting an entire city with his picnic cup (that may or may not have a fog machine inside of it), turning all the fine citizens of the town into zooted Lean monsters. We need Peter Venkman and the rest of the squad to come and trap him in the Proton Pack before everyone turns into 17 year old Soundcloud rappers with pink dreads.
TRICK DADDY www.THUG.com
I promised myself I would keep this one short because the visual says so much. If there was a THUG.com, it wouldn’t look like this. I don’t know what it would look like, but this shit looks like a C list Horror film, made on a budget of 50 bucks and a box of Applejacks, set in the mid 90’s, featuring a thin plot where a demon comes into your home via the dial up AOL, and possesses all the little kids to do hood rat shit and ruin the town. I kinda wanna see that movie now. I bet it’s on the SciFi Network at 3 am.
HELTAH SKELTAH “Da Incredible Rap Team”
Holy Lord In Heaven! Grown men sat around a fucking table at one point and said “This is a great idea! This looks really dope! The culture needs this!!” Just think about that.
Think about them high-fiving, cracking beers, and big upping the graphic designer. This looks like a Wayans Brother made hood spoof of LARPing. The dude in the black with the Zoro mask and the Party City rubber claw gloves makes me weep. This is what would happen if Master P produced his version of “Phantom Of The Opera” and the wardrobe department was given under 100 bucks in 5’s and 10’s and was told to “make it work”.
When you think about it like that, they kinda killed it.